LESSON 7: ACCESSORIZE, ACCESSORIZE, ACCESSORIZE!

A very important lesson to learn is how to accessorize. DIVAS do NOT look like Christmas trees. Wearing accessories is an art, it isn’t easy. You want some bold pieces that have that WOW factor, but you definitely don’t want to look trashy. Which brings me to my next statement: “NEVER EVER wear dangly earrings with prescription glasses”, you might think you can pull off that look, but I’m here to tell you darling, it’s a NO NO! Wearing those kinds of earrings with over-sized sunglasses however, is perfectly acceptable. If you like wearing large earrings, it might be a good idea to invest in contact lenses. Large eccentric necklaces are beautiful, but only when worn with studded earrings. Like I was saying, accessorizing is an art. Bold pieces make a statement and are definitely beautiful, but they can make you look like you’re trying to hard if you wear them all at once. Another thing to remember is, it’s okay to wear some rings, but don’t wear a different one on every finger. That’s sooo 1980’s darling. A DIVA always looks her best, even when going to the gym. Have you ever seen those people that wear black socks in white sneakers? Horrible isn’t it? I have to bite my tongue when I see that because even though those poor fashion victims obviously need my advice, some people are just beyond my help. You can’t save everyone. If this is your friend however, then speak up girl! You wouldn’t want to look ridiculous either.

LESSON 6: GO AHEAD DARLING, YOU DESERVE IT!

Shopping is a DIVA’s favorite pastime. Yes, that includes window shopping if you’re broke. It’s a religion, so get with the program! Getting your java fix at the local coffee house while people watching on the terrace is also enjoyable. Besides, you’re going to need that caffeine for an exhausting day of retail therapy. There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself every once in a while, you deserve it darling. Getting a mani-pedi is great for recharging your battery. If you can’t afford a mani-pedi, that’s okay too, as long as you make sure that your nails are always perfectly manicured and polished. Chipped nail polish is NOT an option. Another thing that is unacceptable is hair growth. Having hair on your legs or under your arms does not a DIVA make. Eyebrows need to be meticulously groomed at all times. How you choose to do this is your business, waxing, plucking, threading, whatever you can afford, as long as it gets done. Yes, I know, being a DIVA is hard work! I always feel great when I treat myself to something new. Even if it’s only a scarf or a bottle of nail polish, it is important to take care of yourself. It doesn’t have to break the bank. The best part about shopping is, it’s a great time to reconnect with your friends. It also helps to get a second opinion when buying new things, don’t take the sales associate’s word for it. A true DIVA is always honest with her friends when they ask her opinion about something. You would want to know if you’re too short to pull off that skirt, or too old to wear that mini, or if the color is all wrong for you, wouldn’t you? Your friends deserve the same courtesy.

LESSON 5: YOUR SURVIVAL KIT

Speaking of fashion, A DIVA always wears over-sized sunglasses and carries an over-sized purse. It’s her trademark. A large purse is not acceptable for evening wear, however. Having a large bag with you at all times is your survival kit. Remember, a DIVA is prepared for anything! Items that are crucial to your survival are your mobile phone, a book, yes a book, to keep your hands occupied in case you have to wait somewhere so you don’t start fidgeting. Fidgeting is unacceptable. Never adjust yourself in public!! Other essentials are floss (ever see someone with spinach stuck between their teeth?), toothbrush and toothpaste, and yes, mouthwash too (garlic does not smell very good a few hours later). Speaking of dental hygiene, you NEVER pick your teeth with an audience either, that’s what the ladies room is for. Also on your list are brush, hairspray, a make-up kit for the occasional touch-up (raccoon eyes are NOT acceptable for a DIVA), a pocket mirror (preferably a magnifying one), lens cleaner and cloth for your glasses, a pen and a notebook, (you never know what you may need to jot down), hand creme, scented hand sanitizer (ever wash your hands in the ladies room with that horrible sour smelling soap they have?), deodorant, perfume, and don’t forget a small bottle of see-through nail polish in case you have to fix a runner in your pantyhose, anyway, you get the idea. Each DIVA will come to learn what’s important to her own survival. I even carry around a little hand fan, sweating is NOT very ladylike, does that make me a DIVA? Yes of course darling, that’s why you’re here. It is also very wise to keep a pair of extra shoes in your car; you never know when you’ll get your heel stuck in some cobblestones.

LESSON 4: DRESS TO KILL

When it comes to a DIVA’s wardrobe, always dress to kill. A DIVA is NOT a fashion victim. No, you don’t have to walk around in stiletto heels all the time, but you most certainly need a sense of fashion and style. Know what works for you and for your body and stick to it. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting, as long as you don’t look like a clown, you don’t want to end up on “What Not to Wear”. There are so many things I could tell you about fashion. Let’s start with the basics. Make sure you have a floor to ceiling mirror, always be aware of how you look before you step out into the world. If you’re not sure what to wear, black works for every occasion. You can also mix and match it with almost any color. If you keep your wardrobe demure and inconspicuous, you can spruce it up with trendy accessories. Remember, you don’t have to spend a fortune to look like a DIVA. You wouldn’t want your significant other to think you’re high maintenance (sssjt, that’ll be our little secret). A DIVA knows where to shop, and when to buy. Always be on the lookout for sales. Know your fashion darling. When talking to other fashionistas, you really do have to know the difference between Manolo Blahnik and Birkenstocks. I don’t think I have to mention that a DIVA never ever wears Birkenstocks. EVER!!! Not even at home, there are plenty of other fashionable, comfortable slippers without being caught dead in ugly footwear!!! Speaking of being caught dead, I feel it’s my duty to bring up something very important, a DIVA wears beautiful lingerie. Beautiful does not have to mean expensive, but it does mean that you have to go to your closet right now and get rid of your granny underwear. I’m not kidding, I mean right now!! You need to be prepared for the unexpected at all times, you don’t want to end up on a stretcher somewhere wearing granny underwear, or worse, with holes in it. If it’s torn, don’t fix it, throw it away. That goes for socks especially. Your grandmother might have been in the habit of mending socks back in the day, but that is not acceptable for a DIVA, a DIVA always looks like a million bucks. Another thing you need to remember is, you absolutely cannot wear shoes that are not in mint condition. Shoes are a very important item in a DIVA’s arsenal, if you don’t LOVE shoes, you will never graduate from the Charm School for DIVAS.

LESSON 3: USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE

USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE!! Wherever you go, there’s always that one person who’s loud and obnoxious and seems to get everyone’s attention because no one ever told them to use their inside voice. Well I’m telling you right now. A DIVA is always classy. Sharing your conversation with the rest of the world is NOT classy. Oh I admit, I might get a little bit loud when I get excited too, but always try to keep yourself in check darling. A DIVA has impeccable manners when out in public, what you do in the privacy of your own home is well, your business. A DIVA is often the center of attention, but being known for being loud and obnoxious, is not the kind of attention you want to draw to yourself. You wouldn’t want to miss out on all the great parties because people think you are rude now would you? A DIVA is able to fit in and adapt to any kind of environment whether it’s a black tie affair or a baseball game, location has nothing to do with the way you act when out and about. Now we all like to have fun and often that goes hand in hand with a few drinks. Unfortunately, for most people, the more you drink, the louder you become. A DIVA knows how to handle her liquor. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying yourself as long as you remember the number one rule, always carry yourself with grace and poise. Know when you’ve reached your limit, falling all over yourself because you’ve had one too many, is NOT graceful. When you reach your limit, it’s time to go home before you forget all about your inside voice. The next party you go to, you want people to remember you for your manners and your DIVAlicious wardrobe, not for being passed out on the bathroom floor.

LESSON 2: BEHAVE, DARLING!

There is a difference between being a DIVA and being a bitch. There, I’ve said it! Unfortunately, DIVAS have a bad reputation and are all too often compared with the latter. A DIVA knows what she wants and how to get it, her methods however, are far more subtle than the not so pleasant people we are often mistaken for. My point? You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. One very important lesson to remember in the DIVA handbook is, NEVER PISS OFF THE PEOPLE THAT HANDLE YOUR FOOD!!! When out dining at a restaurant, be clear and precise about what you want and make sure your waiter understands you. Don’t complain later when it’s not what you asked for. Make sure you use the words PLEASE and THANK YOU and always, always, always leave a generous tip (especially if you plan on returning there). Have you ever noticed those people at restaurants who seem to complain about everything? Not just women, men too. Some of them even go so far as to belittle their servers. Well the next time they return, they are almost certain to get a steak that “accidentally” landed on the floor before making it onto their plate, or find a suspicious hair in their soup. Remember, a DIVA carries herself with grace and poise. There is nothing graceful about being the resident bitch at your local restaurant. As a rule of thumb, always treat people the way you would want to be treated.

LESSON 1: EMBRACE YOUR INNER GODDESS

Lets get one thing straight. A DIVA knows how to embrace her inner goddess. Never doubt yourself. Always be confident (or at least pretend like you are) and walk with grace and poise. A DIVA is not the skinniest person in the room or the prettiest one, but when a DIVA arrives, she commands the room. She has that certain je ne sais quoi, personality, if you will. People will look at you and want to be you. Not because you're wearing the most expensive outfit there, or the most jewelry (DIVAS do NOT look like Christmas Trees, I will elaborate on that later), but because you have attitude, know how to carry yourself, but above all, because you are DIVAlicious!!!